Domestic Violence Training Helps Those Suffering in Silence
What do you think of when you hear the words “domestic violence”? Do you envision a woman or man coming to work with a black eye? Do you think of a nervous, jumpy housewife a little too eager to please a spouse, cooking and cleaning for her life in fear of retribution? Perhaps you imagine a man slinking away from work, spending hours in a bar to avoid going home to a sharp tongued wife with a habit of throwing dishes at his head. These are, unfortunately, true scenarios faced by far too many living under the constant shadow of domestic violence. However, there are many more individuals who face domestic violence while their friends and colleagues live, work, and socialize with them in complete ignorance of their desperate situation. Some individuals do not show any outward or inward signs of distress. Some do not even realize they are in danger. How do you help someone who shows no need of assistance? Domestic violence training can help.
When a company or school engages in domestic violence training, they may be reaching out to individuals who are living a secret life. Many men, women and children are verbally, physically and sexually abused while managing to keep their situation completely hidden from others that know them well. These people may not know where to turn for help, may have (misplaced) feelings of shame or even blame themselves for their situation. Some may not even realize that being put down and sworn at is a form of abuse. Domestic violence training can help these individuals realize they are not alone and that help is waiting for them.
One very sad and terrifying case of domestic violence was chronicled in Ann Rule’s collection of crime stories, A Fever in the Heart and Other True Cases (Ann Rule’s Crime Files: Vol 3). Everywhere Lori and Walter Buckely* went, people hailed them as the perfect couple. Lori was working hard to put her loving husband through school and dreamed of the day he would support her while she stayed home tending their babies and growing their family. Photographs showed them relaxed and smiling, holding each other, their faces shining with marital bliss. It was all a lie; a lie so well hidden that not even Lori, knew what was going on until it was too late. Walter was not the loving, doting husband he made himself out to be. He was not in school and he had no plans to support his wife after graduation. He left the house each day pretending to go to class but in reality, left the house with a briefcase full of porn – not textbooks – and proceeded to spend his days in leisure, arriving home when “classes” were finished for the day. He also played havoc with the household accounts, skimming money and moving it around, possibly creating a nice nest egg to grab at a later date. One terrible day Lori discovered her husband’s lies. Her dream of starting a family was dashed in the reality of learning Walt was not going to graduate and get a job. Furthermore, thanks to his skimming, bills she thought were long since paid were overdue. Lori was furious. She and everyone who knew Walt had been deceived for years.
It is unclear how long she knew about the deception before he killed her. It could have been days or it could have been weeks. It all came to a head when Lori blew up at him one night as he lazed on the couch watching TV. She implored him to get a job and threatened to leave and go to her mother’s home. Walt responded by hitting her repeatedly with a bottle and suffocating her to death.
Nobody knew what was really going on in the Buckley’s home and for longest time, neither did Lori – and she lived there. In reality, domestic violence wears many ugly faces including ones that look like the perfect husband or wife. Domestic violence training helps to strip away the masks. Domestic violence training can educate you about small clues, such as knowing your financial situation at all times, that may hint at a much larger problem.
Companies that call in experts to provide domestic violence training for their staff are companies that may very well be saving the lives of one or more employees. Domestic violence will never go away, but we can learn how to spot it, how to respond to it, and how to avoid it. Consider holding a training session in your workplace or school today because you never know if the woman or man sitting right next to you is the one that needs help.
*Ann Rule routinely changes the names in her cases to protect the privacy of those involved.
About the Author
We help you handle issues that fall outside of the range of normal behaviors. Situations where violence, bullying, impairment, stalking, sexual predation, irrationality, etc occur require confidential and expert guidance to quickly reach a safe, empowering solution. Rely on our domestic violence training and other services to help combat these types of threats.
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